Fake Plastic Earth

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This resolution was a triumph for man and bovinekind

UNWFP Resolution C
Recognizing the need for research regarding prion disease,
Acknowledging such research is currently in process,
1. Encourages the violent capture and detainment of German scientists
a. to study prion disease,
b. to reseach possible problem solutions,
c. to create prevention methods,
c. to decide which narcotics to cure the cows and form super cows;
2. Suggests that the WFP pay for the ex-Maddoff $7 million penthouse to detain those Germans;
3. Recommends radioactive processes occur in the master bathroom to create a super cow with its own
franchise to help the WFP pay for the residence;
4. Further invites all nations to participate in the borrowing of the German scientists;
5. Trusts that one of the scientists practices medicine to treat potential injuries procurred during the
capture,
a. but promises safety while in captivity;
6. Notes that all research will have to be concluded in 2 years time;
7. Urges the new super cows to guard the penthouse and the regional stockpiles and to serve as the
“hoofed” escorts for the envoys;
8. And wishes for the exploitation of both the super cows and German scientists as unwilling servants,
instead of the Asian youth unwilling to serve the world.

Amendments:
9. Urges the United States to disclose extraterrestrial technology captured from Roswell and stored in
Area 51 to the German scientists for further investigation;
10.Urges the creation of edible super cow action figures to feed the 3rd world and provide enjoyment
to malnourished children;
11.Encourages the immediate pacification and detainment of German scientists
12.Promotes further research in the field of human cloning of the aforementioned German scientists due
to their relatively short lifespans;
13.If Germans are captured, each German must recieve 1 bushel of saurkraut and 1 gallon of beer donated by the WFP per week.
a. China will donate fortune cookies,
b. Australia will donate rattle snakes,
c. Croatia will donate Croatians,
d. Dominica will donate bananas and mangoes,
e. Haiti will donate canibus plants,
f. the Dominican Republic will donate tobacco and rum,
g. South Africa will donate maize,
h. and Peru will donate potatoes and a wide variety of drugs as well as guinea pigs;
14.Rwanda would like to donate the narcotics and suggests the scientists have their own stockpile of
food (and weapons of mass destruction provided by us) in case of an emergency. And would like to
continue the use of inappropriate language;
15.Noting with concern the decreased productivity attributed to the intake of the alcoholic
beverage “beer,” and therefore, in the interest of said scientists, pledges 9000 kg of vodka to their
cause;
16.In accordance with the Russian Federation’s spirit of well-being, the U.K. would like to donate as
much tea and crumpets are needed for the captured German scientists;
17.Fully alarmed by the high amounts of vacation time given to the German scientists, as a gesture of
oodwill the people of France will gladly take the burden of using this vacation time.

Note that we actually did accomplish realistic projects at IMUN, including but not limited to: Regional food stockpiles and command centers for the purposes of disaster relief, technology and agricultural practice investment, global standards for bovine health, limited enforcement of trade in the event of a Mad Cow outbreak, and a search able research database for TSE’s.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paraguay_River#Uses

http://xkcd.com/552/

Background: In per. 7 current international issues our class watched a video about Putin’s Russia, and in particular the Kremlin’s attempt to bring in the youth. One part of this was a Kremlin organized political youth organization known as Nashi. Besides mundane political activity, protests, and harassing foreign dignitaries, they also run a summer camp. The camp revolves around physical fitness, political indoctrination, and demographic change (to raise the birthrate, hence the loveboat).

Songs to repopulate the motherland to.

Someone like Putin: Singing Together
Russian with English subtitles for imperialists.

Made in the USSR- Russian, links to English translation

Video of Glorious Putin!

So I looked it up, and the people who were married at the Nashi summer camp were indeed campers. Creepy

Commanders:

Norway:
Fortinbras JR

Denmark:
King Claudius (absent)

Order of Battle:

Norway:
2500 Riflemen
200 Pikemen
100 Cavalry
20 artillery pieces

Denmark:
3 “Guards”, one armed with a pike and a whistle, the others armed only with their fists

Casualties:

Norway:
None

Denmark:

3 “guards”: 1 MIA, 2 captured
King Claudius KIA
Prince Hamlet KIA
Layertes KIA
Their dignity MIA

Description:
The fortress gates fall within minutes, the first guard blows his whistle and runs away. Some of Norway’s infantrymen pistol-whip the second and third guards, figuring it’s not worth wasting ammunition on such pitiful soldiers. Claudius is not present, not that his leadership would have made a difference due to Denmark’s lack of a defensive garrison. meanwhile the whole royal family and command structure collapses after a bizarre, fatal blue on blue friendly fire incident unrelated to the conflict. The fortress is captured within an hour (though capture implies an opposing force).

Analysis:
The Danish defeat was not surprising. Norway’s forces were both superior in number and training. The only time the Danish “military” achieved a decisive victory were when Hamlet sr. “Sledded the Polacks on the Ice”, and defeating Poland is nothing to be proud of.

Furthermore, the fortress is nearly undefended. In one instance, Claudius allowed a “mob” of half a dozen peasants to infiltrate the King’s private quarters with only 5 seconds of warning. Apparently, Denmark had learned nothing from the first direct security threat to the King; The invading Norse forces faced a similarly pitiful amount of resistance. If Denmark had maintained even a minimum level of defense readiness, the Norse invasion force could have easily been repelled.

The Danish strategy of not defending themselves (also known as the OMGWTFBBQ? Doctrine) ultimately failed.

Q: And who could possibly want to put a hook through a sea kitten?
A: I would; While we are at it, I have a craving for some Land-Fish.

Il-2 Sturmovik is the best flight simulator of any kind currently available (to my knowledge). It has extreamely realistic flight and damage models, and the graphics are excellent for when the sim was first produced (several years ago). It started as a smallish eastern front air war sim with a devotion to realism, however it has expanded with several addons, most of which are stand-alone programs, to include the pacific theater, and to a limited extent the western front. Anybody with an interest in flight, WWII, or history should seriously consider the final version of the game, “Il-2 Sturmovik:1946″
which includes Forgotten Battles, Ace Expansion Pack, Pacific Fighters, Pe-2, and Sturmoviks over Manchuria, and 1946. It’s oldish, so shouldn’t cost more than $30, I think I found mine for $20

Those with a powerful computer may consider waiting for the series’s successor, Storm of War: Battle of Brittan, however it has been long over due.